I just wanted to tell you..
i wanted to tell you,
you light up my world
it glistens in the sun like
fresh fallen snow. Because
of YOU i am alive today.
your tree of love for me
grows everyday, my
challanges in life are
guided by your smile.
Your voice can be harsh like
a drill sargent in the army
waterfalls of tears flow from
my face from time to time
when i hear that drill sargent
But the warm fuzzy teddy bear
underneath is always there for a
GIANT bear hug i just wanted
to say
TH
AN
KS
Dad
So i wrote this last night after a fight with my dad..ha i know it isnt very good so i want your help!
*what can i do to add more detail?
*should i make it longer? if yes how so?
*what do you think of it? and be honest!
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its has a lot of emotions, i think you got it
ReplyDeleteits very good. but the detail is good maybe just more on how your felt that night if you cant catch that all over again. the length is fine. its very well done :)
The imagery is very good. Maybe emphasize the senses and how youre feeling.
ReplyDeleteI dont think its necessary to have the THANKS at the end going like down like it is. And i dont know if the caps is necessary either. I know its important but I think just having it on its own line would be enough to show that.