Snow Storm
Two boys are in a Truck driving to their girlfriends house to hang out. Her parents are gone for the weekend. It has been snowing all day.
TRENT:
I am so pumped for tonight! I cant wait to see Megan, even though she has kind of been bitchy lately.
TEDDY:
Yeah dude, Callie has been like that too. And usually she is more sensetive and caring but latley its been like i cant do anything right! What’s their deal?
TRENT:
I don’t know! But I hope tonight is THE night if you know what I mean.
TEDDY:
Oh yeah man! I get you!
TEDDY:
[Slight pause]
Man the snow is really starting to come down fast! And dang look at those trees blow!
TRENT:
Yeah the road is very- Oh S***!!!
[The truck drives off the road and into the ditch].
TEDDY:
[A little shocked]
Woah! There has to be like at least 6 feet of snow down here!
TRENT:
Yeah, tell me about it! I have NO idea how we are going to get out!
TEDDY:
[Takes out his cell phone]
Dude we better call Callie and Megan!
TRENT:
I am more worried about what my mom will say! I have this feeling she is going to have a fit!
TRENT:
[Thinking]
Hey Ted go look in the back of the truck, I think that there is a shovel back there!
TEDDY:
Are you nuts, I just got these new kicks! I am not going to get out and ruin them.
TRENT:
Fine! I will go look, you call the girls and tell them what happened. I just shot my dad and mom a text!
TEDDY:
[To Callie on the phone]
Hey Baby! We are stuck in the ditch right now I am not sure if we can make it over tonight…
CALLIE:
OMG! Are you fricken kidding me? We have had this planned for like litteraly ever!
TEDDY:
Look I am sorry. But there isn’t really anything that I can do about it, the weather is crappy! And Trent is outside trying to get us out!
CALLIE:
Wow I just cant believe that tonight of all nights this has to go and happen! This night was supposed to be perfect! UGH! We cant ever do anything!!!
TEDDY:
Callie sweetie! I told you I am sorry! I don’t know what else I can say? Look I have to see if Trent needs help. I will call you once we figure something out! I love you!
CALLIE:
[with an attitude]
Okay, yeah, Whatever!
TEDDY:
[opening up the door and shouting to trent]
Hey hows it going out there?? Need some help?
TRENT:
Nah! I am fine. I am not sure we will be able to get out though…We are really stuck deep in here. And it keeps blowing and drifting more.
[silent pause]
TRENT:
Did you talk to the girls?
TEDDY:
Yeah.. and I got completely bitched out! They pretty much said that it was our faults.
TRENT:
Dude Whatever! They know we would be there if we could. I just can’t believe it happened tonight of all nights.
TEDDY:
Yeah I know. But What is there that we can do about it?
[quickly changing the subject]
So um did your mom or dad ever get back to you?
TRENT:
They just wanted to know if we were okay, and safe! They said if we cant get it out they will call a tow truck! But wait, back to the girls….we are only a few miles from her house…
TEDDY:
What are you saying? You want to get out and walk?
TRENT:
It was just a thought..
TEDDY:
Yeah a really dumb one. It is like -25 degrees out there plus the wind chill! And I don’t even have a jacket or anything!
TRENT:
Oh come on Ted! Tonight was supposed to be THE night! You don’t want to miss that do you?
TEDDY:
Well…
TRENT:
Her parents are only gone this one weekend! And That is NOW! Lets go i really want to do this!!
TEDDY:
I know it’s just, now she is going to be all crabby. And that’s no fun! I like when she's nice and warm and wants to be with me! because then we can cuddle and ahh its nice!
Two boys are in a Truck driving to their girlfriends house to hang out. Her parents are gone for the weekend. It has been snowing all day.
TRENT:
I am so pumped for tonight! I cant wait to see Megan, even though she has kind of been bitchy lately.
TEDDY:
Yeah dude, Callie has been like that too. And usually she is more sensetive and caring but latley its been like i cant do anything right! What’s their deal?
TRENT:
I don’t know! But I hope tonight is THE night if you know what I mean.
TEDDY:
Oh yeah man! I get you!
TEDDY:
[Slight pause]
Man the snow is really starting to come down fast! And dang look at those trees blow!
TRENT:
Yeah the road is very- Oh S***!!!
[The truck drives off the road and into the ditch].
TEDDY:
[A little shocked]
Woah! There has to be like at least 6 feet of snow down here!
TRENT:
Yeah, tell me about it! I have NO idea how we are going to get out!
TEDDY:
[Takes out his cell phone]
Dude we better call Callie and Megan!
TRENT:
I am more worried about what my mom will say! I have this feeling she is going to have a fit!
TRENT:
[Thinking]
Hey Ted go look in the back of the truck, I think that there is a shovel back there!
TEDDY:
Are you nuts, I just got these new kicks! I am not going to get out and ruin them.
TRENT:
Fine! I will go look, you call the girls and tell them what happened. I just shot my dad and mom a text!
TEDDY:
[To Callie on the phone]
Hey Baby! We are stuck in the ditch right now I am not sure if we can make it over tonight…
CALLIE:
OMG! Are you fricken kidding me? We have had this planned for like litteraly ever!
TEDDY:
Look I am sorry. But there isn’t really anything that I can do about it, the weather is crappy! And Trent is outside trying to get us out!
CALLIE:
Wow I just cant believe that tonight of all nights this has to go and happen! This night was supposed to be perfect! UGH! We cant ever do anything!!!
TEDDY:
Callie sweetie! I told you I am sorry! I don’t know what else I can say? Look I have to see if Trent needs help. I will call you once we figure something out! I love you!
CALLIE:
[with an attitude]
Okay, yeah, Whatever!
TEDDY:
[opening up the door and shouting to trent]
Hey hows it going out there?? Need some help?
TRENT:
Nah! I am fine. I am not sure we will be able to get out though…We are really stuck deep in here. And it keeps blowing and drifting more.
[silent pause]
TRENT:
Did you talk to the girls?
TEDDY:
Yeah.. and I got completely bitched out! They pretty much said that it was our faults.
TRENT:
Dude Whatever! They know we would be there if we could. I just can’t believe it happened tonight of all nights.
TEDDY:
Yeah I know. But What is there that we can do about it?
[quickly changing the subject]
So um did your mom or dad ever get back to you?
TRENT:
They just wanted to know if we were okay, and safe! They said if we cant get it out they will call a tow truck! But wait, back to the girls….we are only a few miles from her house…
TEDDY:
What are you saying? You want to get out and walk?
TRENT:
It was just a thought..
TEDDY:
Yeah a really dumb one. It is like -25 degrees out there plus the wind chill! And I don’t even have a jacket or anything!
TRENT:
Oh come on Ted! Tonight was supposed to be THE night! You don’t want to miss that do you?
TEDDY:
Well…
TRENT:
Her parents are only gone this one weekend! And That is NOW! Lets go i really want to do this!!
TEDDY:
I know it’s just, now she is going to be all crabby. And that’s no fun! I like when she's nice and warm and wants to be with me! because then we can cuddle and ahh its nice!
[Teddy starts to smile]
TRENT:
Okay that wasnt cheasy at all! ha! They will be so surprised when we show up!
TEDDY:
TRENT:
Okay that wasnt cheasy at all! ha! They will be so surprised when we show up!
TEDDY:
[jokingly,but yet still a little serious]
Well we are going to get severe frostbite! ha
TRENT:
[grabs jackets, hats, and gloves from the back seat]
Here you wussy, put these on and lets go! Or I am leaving without you!
[Trent pushes Teddy out of the truck and into the road!]
TEDDY:
[puts on the all the stuff, and mopes along slowly]
UGH!
TRENT:
[as they are walking]
So what’s the real reason you were hesistant about walking?
TEDDY:
[unsure of how to answer]
Umm The cold?
TRENT:
Come on tell me! Are you nervous?
TEDDY:
Nervous for what?
TRENT:
Don’t play this game with me! You know darn well what I am talking about!
TEDDY:
Well I don’t know…maybe a little
TRENT:
That’s okay! But aren’t you excited too? Because I know that I am!
TEDDY:
Yes of course I am! But I am more scared! What if I do something stupid, or make the wrong move! What is she going to think!?
TRENT:
Well you need to go in to it with the attitude that you aren’t going to mess up and then everything will be perfect! Act like you have done it before!
TEDDY:
But I haven’t!
TRENT:
I know you haven’t…but if you act like you have you wont make yourself look stupid!
TEDDY:
Okay if you say so. Have you done it before?
TRENT:
Yeah only once though! And it was a really fun time!
TEDDY:
What with who!!? Why didn’t you tell me!?
TRENT:
It was at Allies house like awhile ago. And I thought that would be mad at me!
TEDDY:
Oh okay. Well how was it?
TRENT:
It was actually really good! I just played it cool like I had done it before and it was all smoothe!
TEDDY:
Alright that’s what I will do then too! I just don’t want to get completely wasted!
TRENT:
[smiling]
Don’t worry I wont let you!
[the boys are arriving at Callies house, the lights are off]
TEDDY:
Umm Trent does it look really dark in there? Or is it just me?
TRENT:
No you are right it really does!
TEDDY:
[calling Callie]
I am calling her to see if they are ever fricken home!
CALLIE:
[on the phone]
Hello?
TEDDY:
Yeah, where are you? Are you at your house!?
CALLIE:
Nope we had Ashley come and pick us up since you said you weren’t comeing.
TEDDY:
WHAT??? We walked over to your house to come and surprise you! And now you are gone!! WOW!
CALLIE:
Well I am sorry, you said that you couldn’t come so we wanted to do something! And Ashley said she would come and get us on her snowmobile!
TEDDY:
[hanging up on her and talking to Trent ,very angry]
Wow we walked all this way in the f***ing freezing weather! To be stood up! I cant believe it!
TRENT:
[laughing about it]
Well look at the bright side…now you don’t have to be nervous!!
Well we are going to get severe frostbite! ha
TRENT:
[grabs jackets, hats, and gloves from the back seat]
Here you wussy, put these on and lets go! Or I am leaving without you!
[Trent pushes Teddy out of the truck and into the road!]
TEDDY:
[puts on the all the stuff, and mopes along slowly]
UGH!
TRENT:
[as they are walking]
So what’s the real reason you were hesistant about walking?
TEDDY:
[unsure of how to answer]
Umm The cold?
TRENT:
Come on tell me! Are you nervous?
TEDDY:
Nervous for what?
TRENT:
Don’t play this game with me! You know darn well what I am talking about!
TEDDY:
Well I don’t know…maybe a little
TRENT:
That’s okay! But aren’t you excited too? Because I know that I am!
TEDDY:
Yes of course I am! But I am more scared! What if I do something stupid, or make the wrong move! What is she going to think!?
TRENT:
Well you need to go in to it with the attitude that you aren’t going to mess up and then everything will be perfect! Act like you have done it before!
TEDDY:
But I haven’t!
TRENT:
I know you haven’t…but if you act like you have you wont make yourself look stupid!
TEDDY:
Okay if you say so. Have you done it before?
TRENT:
Yeah only once though! And it was a really fun time!
TEDDY:
What with who!!? Why didn’t you tell me!?
TRENT:
It was at Allies house like awhile ago. And I thought that would be mad at me!
TEDDY:
Oh okay. Well how was it?
TRENT:
It was actually really good! I just played it cool like I had done it before and it was all smoothe!
TEDDY:
Alright that’s what I will do then too! I just don’t want to get completely wasted!
TRENT:
[smiling]
Don’t worry I wont let you!
[the boys are arriving at Callies house, the lights are off]
TEDDY:
Umm Trent does it look really dark in there? Or is it just me?
TRENT:
No you are right it really does!
TEDDY:
[calling Callie]
I am calling her to see if they are ever fricken home!
CALLIE:
[on the phone]
Hello?
TEDDY:
Yeah, where are you? Are you at your house!?
CALLIE:
Nope we had Ashley come and pick us up since you said you weren’t comeing.
TEDDY:
WHAT??? We walked over to your house to come and surprise you! And now you are gone!! WOW!
CALLIE:
Well I am sorry, you said that you couldn’t come so we wanted to do something! And Ashley said she would come and get us on her snowmobile!
TEDDY:
[hanging up on her and talking to Trent ,very angry]
Wow we walked all this way in the f***ing freezing weather! To be stood up! I cant believe it!
TRENT:
[laughing about it]
Well look at the bright side…now you don’t have to be nervous!!
1. What do you think that i could change to make my play more eventful and exciting, along with more humor?
2. What parts do you think are the strong parts of my play? What parts need more improving?
You could try to bring more a contrast in personality, Teddy being the more sensitive one and Trent being the obnoxious manwhore. Just bring it out more with the words they use and their thoughts.
ReplyDeleteFor example, Teddy could talk about the things that he really likes about his girlfriend so that the girls are more likable as side characters.
I really like the contrast between the reaction of the girlfriends and the reaction of the parents.
I agree with Megan, more personality differences could help you there. Personality differences can really show between friends when they're caught in a stressful situation, like the one they get themselves in.
ReplyDeleteI think the dialog needs a /little/ more improving. It just seems a little mechanical.
I like the reactions to different things, and how you brought personality to the characters we don't even see.